2009 TFL Convention: Memphis

Day 1

Contrary to recent news accounts, the TFL convention is not dead. But it is on life support and the government death panels of the Obama administration are gazing over at the plug.

Only six owners are scheduled to be in Memphis for 15th annual convention and draft to kick off the TFL season. Yes, that makes it the least-attended convention. Where are you guys?

Scott Lacy was the first to arrive in Memphis and found his way to the Red Roof Inn, the temporary home of the convention. He took a left at the crack whores, then a right at the drug dealers before pulling in to a building that looked like it might be a shelter for the homeless.

He took along at the green water in the pool, with a used condom floating and hyperdermic needles floating near the top, and decided at that moment that Ken Sain never gets to pick the convention hotel again.

The hotel is listed as "downtown," but in reality it is a mile away from the center of the city.

Casey Brogan and Mike Taylor were the next to arrive, having driven down from Illinois, where they spent a wonderful night with Mark Dolan.

Ken Sain arrived just after them, barely missing each other in the lobby.

And that's it, folks. No Paul Ramey, no Brothers Continelli, no Michael Bourque, no Mike Woelflein, no Donny Carlock, no Steve Katz, no Chaz Bingham, no Doug Kaufman, no Steve Carney, no Nate Sagan.

Happily, Wit Tuttell and Mark Dolan are scheduled to arrive on Friday. And any room with Mark Dolan in it is a party. The better news is the convention moves from the slums to the penthouse with an upgrade to the Peabody Hotel. So there is still some hope for Memphis.

After meeting in Sain's room and getting caught up on news, Casey hijacked Sain's computer and downloaded all of his top secret fantasy football insights. Now we know how Casey won the Triple Crown last year. But it was nicely done, claiming his computer couldn't log in and that he had to check on the status of his new home purchase.

The group soon decided to head out for dinner and to watch some of the Tennessee-Pittsburgh game. Beale Street is a mile away and they decided to walk it, instead of dealing with parking. They figured with the Titans playing, all the sports bars would be packed.

They figured wrong. Beale Street is known more for music than sports, and it has a late-arriving crowd. So arriving at 7 p.m. they had no trouble finding a place to eat and every bar seemed eager for their business, willing to change stations, turn up volume, whatever they wanted.

First stop was Pig on Beale, a fitting location. It must be said that a couple of the owners arrived as not quite the full-bodied men they have been at past convention. Mike Taylor and Scott Lacy both look like they are at their high school weight. Taylor's Backyard Only Diet and Lacy's iPhone Diet Ap program have them both looking great, albeit, looking like they need a sandwich.

Pig on Beale was happy to oblige. The four each tried some of the world famous Memphis BBQ, Casey going for the most original dish, BBQ Pork Nachos. They said after it was good, but not the best. They doubted that the great BBQ Pilgrim himself would even waste a moment looking in its direction.

But one meal was not enough, especially if you just spent a month eating only what you could grow in your backyard. So the foursome headed out to find a place for a second dinner.

They were immediately set upon by two doormen, who tried their everything to get them inside to the restaurant next to Pig.

"Do you have the game on?"

"No."

The TFLers went elsewhere. Beale Street, for all its reputation, is not as long as you might think. Most of the bars and restaurants are in a two-block span. But it was beginning to hop, with bands playing the blues outdoors and indoors. After meandering a bit, they settled on Miss Polly's Chicken and Waffles. Casey O and Mike T went for second dinners while Lacy and Sain decided to give desserts a try.

The place is famous for its Green Fried Tomatoes, but no one gave them a chance. Lacy and Sain both went for a butter fried apple pie a la mode. Both reported it was delicious.

The food in Memphis is beginning to live up to it's reputation. A few more days here, and Lacy and Taylor may regain their playing weight. Especially if they're eating two dinners a night.

There was an encounter with an NBA player at Miss Polly's. Everyone knows Mike Taylor's disdain for new Memphis point guard Allen Iverson. How sweet it would have been if MT and AI went at it.

But alas, AI and his posse were not there. There was a very tall young man there with an attractive woman as his date. The Miss Polly's staff informed us that yes, he was a Grizzlies player.

He was easily taller than 7-feet, and you would think that would help narrow down which player it was. But Memphis has four 7-footers on their roster. Hell, the Suns have had four 7-footers in franchise history.

Turns out it was Hasheem Thabeet, the rookie from UConn.

After the second meal they foursome walked back to the hotel in time to see the overtime of the game.

And that was it. Hopefully the arrival of Dolan and Tuttell on Friday will add a spark, but there was no doubt that absent friends had an impact on the start of the 2009 Convention.

Day 2

There is something to be said for a smaller convention. That's not to say that the six owners gathered in Memphis don't miss the other guys, because they certainly do.

But now when an owner says, "Let's go," something amazing happens. They actually go. Finding consensus on where to go or what to do takes a third of the time that it has in past conventions.

All of that is something no other TFL owners have experienced before at a convention.

Friday began with the four early arrivals eager to leave the Red Roof Inn. They packed up their cars and headed for downtown, pulling into the Peabody just before noon. They decided to look for a good lunch spot before checking into the 5-star hotel and settled quickly on Huey's, which is just across the street.

The fact that the window proudly proclaims that Huey's has the best hamburger since 1984 helped make up their minds.

They were seated immediately (another convention first) and picked their favorites. Casey went with the soup of the day, chicken tortilla, which he boasted was excellent as the other owners looked on. Most ordered the World Famous Huey Burger, although Sain went with the World Famous Senor Huey burger, which had a bit more spice.

The burgers were very good. It is obvious the highlight of this convention is going to be the food. Not since New Orleans have the TFL owners enjoyed local cuisine more.

After an excellent lunch they checked into the hotel. The Peabody is indeed first rate. They have a piano playing in the lobby and ducks swimming around in the fountain.

All three groups took rooms on the ninth floor, with Sain and Brogan/Taylor/Dolan sharing adjoining rooms. The hotel is 140 years old, and like many older hotels, the rooms are smaller than more modern hotels. But, with the adjoining rooms, the owners should be able to draft here, another benefit to having only six owners present.

And yes, they are trying very hard to find silver linings.

Tuttell and Dolan arrived at about the same time and settled into their rooms. After some conversation getting caught up, the group first went up to the roof of the Peabody, where you can see the Mississippi River and the rest of downtown Memphis. The house for the ducks is up here, and twice a day they make a big production of marching the ducks from the lobby to the roof, or vice versa. They talked about playing the Touch Classic up here, or getting their group photo up here.

But then it was time for some baseball, so they headed across the street to Autopark Field. It is the finest minor league ballpark in America, or at least that any of this group had visited.

It's very new, and built like many of the new major league parks, missing about 25,000 seats. The Memphis Redbirds were playing host to the Albuquerque Isotopes in Game 3 of their PCL playoff series. When Sain saw the Isotopes logo, he wanted to sue them for copyright infringement, since it looks very close to the Dugway Experiments logo.

They had arrived just after the start and immediately noticed a lot of familiar names. Blake DeWitt, Tyler Greene, David Freese, Tony Abreau are all players who have played in the majors. They had excellent seats down the third base line.

They left when hunger began to rumble in their bellies and debated where to go. They settled on the Rendezvous, which is known around the world, unlike Huey's. They went down the alley across the street from the hotel and saw a few guys taking pictures of this dive of a place.

Turns out it was the Rendezvous. They went downstairs and were immediately seated. Then the fun began.

An older black man shuffled over and looked at the convention attendees and was clearly not impressed. He said very little.

"What you want to drink," he said.

"What do you have on tap," Casey said.

"Michelob."

They waited for the rest of the list. The waiter just kept looking down for about 15 seconds, like he was trying to think of the rest. How old was this guy? Did he have his memory still?

"Anything else," Casey finally asked.

The waiter looked stunned.

"What else you need?"

Casey quickly ordered a Michelob. So did the others, no one wanting to take on this man who was clearly their superior. That is, until it came to the BBQ Pilgrim himself. Mark Dolan has been known to school a few waiters and waitresses in his time. He would not be so easily intimidated.

"How about a vodka and soda?"

"Nope, just beer and wine."

"And what kinds of beer?"

"Michelob."

"What else?"

"Where you from?"

"Southern Illinois?"

"And what do they drink there?"

Dolan thought for a second, and that was all the opening the waiter needed.

"Well, we ain't got that here whatever it is."

The great BBQ Pilgrim had met his match. He ordered a Michelob. But he wasn't ready to go down without a little fight. When it came to ordering the food, Dolan tried to put together a combination that wasn't on the menu.

"Nope," their waiter said.

Then Dolan asked about sides.

"Yes, they come with the meal."

"But can we pick which sides we get?"

"Where you from?"

Dolan and the rest laughed.

"You get both sides, beans and cole slaw."

"But can I have French fries?"

"You must be from St. Louis," the waiter decided. "They give you French fries on everything in St. Louis. Well, we ain't got to fries here."

The group figured the restaurant was packed on a Friday night and even at only six, it would take a while to see food on the table. They were wrong. Literally minutes later two wait staff came over with their meals.

"You didn't know we were this fast, did you?"

For the next ten minutes not a word was said as dinner conversation, as all six owners focused all their attention on devouring a great meal. Ribs, pulled pork sandwiches, lamb. It was all good, and the lack of conversation was the proof.

Casey Brogan, who when he finally did speak, said you can't get anything like this in Anchorage, was the sole owner to take his time eating.

"I want to savor every bite."

So he was also able to torture the other owners by having a half plate of food still remaining when the wait staff was taking away their plates. No wonder Brogan's the defending champion, he'll do anything to throw the others off their game.

But, the other owners agreed it was an amazing display of patience for Casey to not wolf it down like the rest had.

They asked their amazing waiter his name, and as had been the case from the start, nothing was easy with this guy. He told them to turn over their menu/placemats. There was a photo of some of the waiters on that side, and he was the second from the left. "Robert Sr.," it said. "He's been here 45 years and he's just now starting to get the hang of it." The photo was from four years ago, so Robert Sr. has now been abusing customers at Rendezvous for 49 years. And if you ever make the trip, ask for him. It's dinner and a show.

After dinner and a brief stop at the hotel, the owners made the very short trip to Beale Street. It was quite different this time, with security checking IDs and making sure no one was armed.

They visited two bars and enjoyed some very good music. They didn't return until after midnight. When they spoke of what they would do on Saturday, they mostly spoke of the food options.

And high on the list for Saturday is trying the greasiest burgers in the universe, the ones deep fried in 97-year-old grease, at Dyer's on Beale Street.

Day 3

It was Saturday morning and the moment the owners had all feared was here. It was time for the annual Chris Reidy Memorial Touch Classic, but with so few bodies, how could they pull it off?

The six walked to a park along the banks of the Mississippi River, the second time the Touch Classic would be held in such a location (New Orleans, 1996). But there was a definite lack of enthusiasm, despite the face a few owners were in the best shape of the past few years (before Memphis food).

Still, traditions must be honored. The park was small and the field had these annoying holes hidden in the grass. The plan was for Casey and Ken to be centers/defensive rushers and Mike T, Scott and Wit to alternate between QB, WR and DB. Mark would photograph the game.

It was a muggy day and sweat soon came. After Wit, Scott and Mike T had all scored touchdowns, they called it a success and headed back to downtown. No one was seriously injured and everyone felt like they had a workout.

Before showering, they all hopped into a taxi van and headed to a little place that only those BBQ experts know about: The Cozy Corner. Mark had an urge to try their Cornish Game Hens, which were sold out on his last visit. The place looks like your classic dive, with faux wood paneling and torn vinyl seats. And like most dives, the food was freaking amazing. If we don't get out of Memphis soon, we may all be in the emergency room with clogged arteries.

They walked back to the hotel (about 1.5 miles) and then showered and relaxed. Some studied, some prepared the draft room.

Once cleaned up four of the owners drove to the Lorraine Motel, where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated in 1968. The motel and the boarding house across the street where James Earl Ray allegedly fired the shot that killed MLK are now the National Civil Rights Museum. The group didn't want to take the full museum tour, but spent about 20 minutes outside.

After that they headed off to the grocery store to buy supplies for the draft (more food, like they needed it).

At about 5 p.m. it was time for another meal and many were determined to try Dyers on Beale Street and their 97-year-old grease. The restaurant boasts that they haven't changed their grease since 1912. They deep fry all their burgers and proudly proclaim they are the greasiest burgers in the world.

Some were hesitant to try 97-year-old greaseburgers. But others were eager for the experience. Scott Lacy at first refused to join the others, saying he needed to study (and based on his draft results, we agree more studying was required).

The burgers were indeed quite greasy. And, we must confess, quite good. They even ordered a deep-fried Twinkie for dessert and that was also delicious.

It was at this point that some suggested that Memphis may have overtaken New Orleans for the best food at any of the conventions. Sain immediately suggested a 5-year rule, like they have for Hall of Fame voting. With the taste of Memphis still on our lips, it's hard to argue against this town.

But the 1996 trip to New Orleans provided some of the best meals ever. A little distance might sort it out. But there is no doubt that anyone who enjoys great food should spend some time in Memphis.

There was the usual last-minute bugs to work out before the draft but it went off without too many problems. Mike Woelflein even managed to stay awake for the entire event, despite no sleep in 40 hours and a newborn son to celebrate.

After the draft Mike T, Casey and Mark headed for Beale Street and more great music and fun. Ken, Scott and Wit deconstructed the draft, decided that they all had great teams and everyone else sucked.

Well, that's not quite true. Wit proclaimed that Flint and Dutch Harbor were both solid.

Day 3 had come to an end and there was only one more full day of the Memphis convention. We can't wait to see what delicious food it will bring.

Day 4

There is a 2009 TFL Convention MVP and he is the BBQ Pilgrim, Mark Dolan. At first when Dolan would suggest taking a taxi or hopping in cars to go a few miles away for a meal, he met the usual resistance. But by Sunday whatever Dolan suggested was treated like it came chiseled on stone tablets.

The Pilgrim did not steer us wrong.

The TFL owners were slow to wake on Sunday. Three of them tried to get to Beale Street after the draft on Saturday, but were unable to.

"It was wall-to-wall people. You couldn't move," Casey Brogan said.

Casey, Mike T and Mark reported that the police were using their bullhorns to try to get the crowd to go home, with no luck. Horses with officers on top were used to try to force the crowd to leave, with less luck.

"You want to fight,?" they heard one young man say to another.

"Yes, let's go," he said back.

"You don't want to fight me, I got a gun in my car."

"I don't believe you have a gun, and even if you did, it wouldn't matter, I'll kick your ass."

"Oh yeah, then let's go back to my car and find out."

"Let's go."

The TFL trio tried to steer clear of any fights involving guns. But they did find an open restaurant that served BBQ egg rolls. Yes, it's official, Memphis will barbeque just about anything. Oh, and the owners reported that the BBQ egg rolls were delicious.

So Saturday morning four of the owners were ready to go out for lunch and the first Sunday NFL games, which started at noon local time. But Taylor and Lacy were missing, both deciding that after a week of culinary sinning, they needed to spend some time in the gym.

So the other four took off without them to Jim Neeley's Interstate BBQ. They were very happy to report that the BBQ pork nachos were delicious, and the battle over the last few chips almost caused their own Beale Street-type fight.

But just as it was getting to that point, their lunches arrived. The most amazing thing about Memphis food is not only how delicious it is, but how quickly they serve it. This BBQ was very wet, meaning lots of sauce. And many consider this restaurant to be even better than Rendezvous, if less known.

They watched the first quarter of the Dallas-Tampa Bay game (only option) then headed back to downtown to see if Lacy and Taylor were done exercising and ready for more gluttony. They found them at the Primetime Sports Bar, located next to the Peabody.

It must be reported that the Primetime Sports Bar is the only sports bar in America that does not show all NFL games. They had a choice of two on, the ones being shown on CBS and Fox. After the halftime highlights the owners left to find a real sports bar.

Instead, they found Hooters. It was there that they watched the rest of the first half of games and a bit of the second. Then they returned to the hotel for naps while waking up periodically to check on the progress of their teams.

When dinner time came five owners gathered at the feet of the Pilgrim eager for where he might take them next. Mark Dolan had saved the best for last.

Central Barbeque won the title, according to a poll of TFL owners, with some amazing chicken wings and ribs that fell apart if you just looked at them sternly. You insulted them if you even waved a knife in their direction.

The wings are cooked three ways, including fried and deep fried. And Wit Tuttell pronounced them the best chicken wings he's had in his life. Once again the food is served lightening quick. Ken Sain placed his order, walked around the corner to fill his glass of Diet Coke, and when he took his first sip as he walked away from the filling station there was a young man with his order calling out his number.

Even the Mac-and-Cheese side was better than any other. Scott Lacy, deciding to throw away all that exercise, ordered up a slice of Peanut Butter Pie. The rest settled for the homemade, deep-fried potato chips.

Once they were filled, and I mean filled, they left Central saying it would be a crime for anyone to visit Memphis and not eat at that restaurant. They returned to the hotel to watch the end of the Chicago-Green Bay game.

Sain and Tuttell are leaving early Monday morning to drive to North Carolina (there is a Fudds there with Sain's name on it). Lacy is ending his six-week long pilgrimage across America and heading for his new home in Phoenix (now that it's below 100). Taylor and Brogan are headed up to Carbondale, Ill, for a night at Dolans (and a filet mignon dinner/party).

The 2009 TFL Convention has come to an end. It was different, with so few here. But those who did attend got the treat of some of the best food on the planet. Casey has suggested that maybe we shouldn't have the 2010 Convention in Anchorage, worried about the turnout. He said maybe an East Coast destination made more sense.

All agreed that they wanted the higher turnout, but put off debating the issue. There was another BBQ Pork Sandwich calling out to them.