Day 1

The 2022 TFL Convention began as most do, with Scott Lacy leaving days ahead of anyone else so that he can drive the backroads of America, having adventures that many of us never hear about.

That is why he avoids those super highways, with their rest stops and monotony. Give him a two-lane stretch hidden among the trees every time.

He may have topped himself in 2022.

First, Lacy had his annual pre-convention meal at McDonald's in Durham. You would think it's a strange place to start a convention, but lord almighty how Lacy loves his tradition.

They saw him coming and cooked up some prime rib and lobster rolls. They asked some of the more nubile, virgin women of the staff to give him a foot massage and fan him while he ate. Then, they had a dessert flown in from Paris that would floor the greatest pastry chefs the world can manufacture.

When he described this experience that night to his good buddy Ken Sain, he said "It was the worst experience I've ever had, food was awful, the service was the worst."

Then he hopped into his hot air balloon and began his trek to Florida. And the adventures he had! Where to begin? This is only a convention report, not the long-overdue "Adventures of Scott Lacy" biography the world is so eagerly awaiting. We'll try to summarize as best we can.

First, he rescued a pregnant woman from a burning car, and then delivered triplets. After that he saw a bus filled with 20 nuns in training pulled over with a flat tire. He served them all a cup of tea, changed their tire, then had to run for his life as about a dozen beautiful women in their 20s renounced God and demanded that he have sex with each and everyone of them immediately.

And of course, Lacy through many struggles was able to remain chaste.

He stopped in one small town and thwarted a bank robbery, detaining a gang of five mean-looking men with AR-15s until the police could arrive and the mayor could pin a medal on him.

And then finally he landed his hot air balloon in the Tampa area, where a gray, raining day immediately disappeared and it was all sunshine and goodness.

At least, that's what we were told. I'm afraid, my friends, that upon closer inspection our good friend Scott Lacy might be telling some tall tales. In fact, it's very likely based on the evidence uncovered so far, Scott Lacy is a liar.

Both Lacy and Brogan left early for the 2022 Convention, spending time with former TFL owner Jeff Houck. The people who claim Florida is the Sunshine State have the same veracity as, um, Scott Lacy. We got a lot of rain, more rain, and gray skies for the first day in the Tampa/Clearwater/St. Petersburg area.

Scott picked up Casey, or so he claims, and drove him to the BNB that would be the TFL's home for this weekend. They arrived around 3, an hour before the official check-in time. Just as they were pulling into the parking space, Ken Sain sent a text saying they had been cleared for early check-in.

The BNB is all that it appears in the photos. Two units, six bedrooms, a salt-water pool, a downstairs lounge area with a ping pong table. The owners immediately pronounced it way better than what they had in San Antonio.

Who knows if they were telling the truth?

Sain and Mike Taylor arrived next, followed soon after by Paul Ramey and Mark Dolan. Finally, Mike Woelflein pulled in just as the NFL opener was getting under way.

Sain and Dolan were unable to watch much of the first half because they were busy organizing the food. Dolan, who is the Food Commissioner for Life after taking the crew to the world's best BBQ multiple times, decided on Fireside Pizza and Cafe. He and Sain placed a pick-up order.

Three pizzas, two traditional (one pepperoni, one cheese) and a Sicilian with sausage, 20 chicken wings, and eight meatballs.

The restaurant is at a corner of palm harbor that Dolan wants to explore further. Quite a few restaurants, one seafood, all with outdoor seating areas and large TVs. May be a spot to go to for Sunday's games.

When they returned, Sain saw that the Rams had scored. He asked his good friend, the man he trusts more than any other, the one he named his dog after, how did the Rams score while he was busy providing sustenance for everyone.

"Alan Robinson TD," Lacy said with no hesitation.

I know this will come as a shock to our younger readers, but Lacy was uttering an untruth. He was deliberating misleading his good friend, hoping to detour him to fantasy football irrelevancy while bettering his own potential for a winning season.

Cooper Kupp had scored the TD. Robinson, in fact, had a horrible first game with the Rams. And you don't have to believe me, you can look it up.

Sain was devastated upon learning Scott Lacy is a liar. Was anything he had said in the hours of Voxes he had listened to true? Or was it all bullshit?

"When I came out of the closet in 1999, I said no more lies," Sain said.

"You're lying," Woelflein mumbled, not sure if that was a statement or a question.

"I challenge all of you here now, name one damn time I lied to you?" Sain said. "I just decided it was way too hard to keep track of whom you told which lie to, so I said to hell with that, I'll just tell the truth and I won't have to keep track of so many lies."

There are rumors Scott Lacy has a super-computer keeping track of his whoppers.

"Tewksbury!?!?!?!?" "David Justice?" followed by a fit of laughter worthy of an Academy Award-winning performance. Lacy has a long, terrible history of lying to deceive his so-called friend.

Sain immediately felt a fool. He and Lacy had been talking fantasy football strategy for weeks. He realized he told Lacy all of his thinking, and now knows Lacy gave him a ton of bullshit in return, meant to deceive and mislead.

And for a man who had tried his best since 1999 to live openly, and honestly, and with integrity, Sain was now in a room with seven "friends" who refused to believe he didn't tell lies like they did.

Say what you will about Sain, there's plenty to be said. But not one person in that room could come up with a single lie he had told them since 1999.

Alan Robinson finished with one catch for 12 yards (a fact Lacy looked up when Sain said it out loud. Turns out liars need to verify everything because they assume others are being as dishonest as they are).

The convention is off to a disappointing start. Friendships are being tested, backs are being stabbed, as the owners look for every advantage that can help their team.

No matter whom they have to steamroll over to get there.

Day 2

Never show a weakness in the TFL. If you do, prepare for the pile-on effect.

Dugway owner Ken Sain expressed himself in divulging how he felt betrayed when Scott Lacy told him an untruth about the Thursday Night Game in yesterday's convention report.

So of course Saturday was filled with lies, more lies, and outright bullshit as the other owners couldn't wait for their turn to stab Sain in the back.

But before we get to that, it needs to be said that not all of the TFL owners are terrible people. Paul Ramey and Mike Taylor did not get caught in an obvious lie and appear to be decent human beings.

Or, they are just really good liars who haven't been caught yet. But let's give them the benefit of the doubt for now.

Friday's convention began in the late morning after the owners slowly woke from their slumbers. Mark Dolan made a run to acquire libations and egg sandwiches, which he shared. The egg sandwiches, the Jack Daniels is being saved for the draft.

The debate began on what to do for the day. Sain said he had never had a Cuban sandwich before and was interested in that experience. Casey Brogan said, great, let's go to Jeff Houck's restaurant, the home of the Cuban in the Tampa area.

Dolan, the food commissioner for life, then began researching where to get a great Cuban. After a half hour, he narrowed it down to two restaurants. Casey looked at the list, and said, one of those is Houck's place, let's go there.

They talked about driving to Ybor City, the center of Cuban food in the Tampa region. More research into where can you get a great Cuban sandwich in Ybor City. This little place called The Columbia was suggested.

"That's Houck's place, let's go," Casey said.

Scott Lacy pointed out Ybor City is about 6,000 miles away (he was lying, which is what we come to expect from Scotty baby, it was only 26 miles away). He suggested finding someplace closer.

Casey threw his hands into the air. Once Paul Ramey finished his conference call he was ready to join the crew. Unfortunately, Mike Woelflein had more work to do and could not make the journey.

And the entire crew misses Tyler Ramey, who brought intelligence, youthful energy and integrity to the San Antonio convention. Integrity has been missing in action in 2022.

Finally, Dolan decided The Columbia would indeed be our destination. Casey sent Houck a text, and he promised to hook us up.

So they climbed into two cars and made the trek across the Bay to Ybor City. Wit and Feehan Tuttell called, they were getting close and they agreed to meet the gang for lunch.

The Columbia is the oldest continuously-operated restaurant in the state of Florida, and the largest Spanish restaurant in the world, and the oldest Spanish restaurant in the U.S.

And Houck works there.

You have to wonder why Casey didn't suggest the place sooner. The meal was amazing, the desserts even better and then Houck gave them all a tour, showing off the history of this great restaurant.

If ever you find yourself in Tampa, give Houck a call and treat yourself to a visit to the Columbia.

During lunch, Sain was served with a heaping side of lies. Wit Tuttell claims he had not read the convention report yet ... but then said Alan Robinson had eight catches in the Thursday Night Game.

He had one.

Sain began to see a conspiracy where some of the others were hoping he would make an Anthony Miller-type of mistake by drafting Robinson in the first round.

Back at the BNB, Woelflein got the spa up and running and then did his best to cook Sain.

"Yeah, well, I have Jonathan Taylor going in the 9th round of my personal rankings ..." Woelf said.

He went on to tell two more lies in the next 10 minutes, each more obvious than the last. The pile-on effect was in play.

Later, at dinner, Mark Dolan borrowed the keys to Sain's rental car, saying he needed to put another bottle of Jack Daniels away securely. When he returned he told Sain he parked the van around the third tree on the left.

Sain lost it. He had been pushed too far by people he once considered friends. He had a meltdown in the middle of the restaurant.

Sain would call it a meltdown. His good buddy Scotty Lacy called it "being a drama queen."

But enough of the damn lies.

In the afternoon some of the owners tested the salt-water pool while the spa heated up. It's larger than it looks in the photos, and is 6-feet deep at one point.

Taylor, Woelf, Sain and Brogan all climbed into the spa and had a nice afternoon chatting about anything other than football.

Then after a relaxing dip, they retreated to the covered patio area for some ping pong with the U.S. Open playing on the TV.

Eventually others joined them. This BNB is really a great location. Lots of space when needed, with lots of options for entertaining yourself. Nearly everyone has their own space. It should be the model for future conventions.

Dolan decided to returning to the corner where they got the pizzas from Thursday. He said they had Mexican, Italian, BBQ, and seafood. He was most eager to try the seafood himself.

So they headed to Nebraska and palm harbor Blvd. and parked outside Smuggler's bar. Dolan and Ramey took off for some oysters, while Sain, Lacy, Taylor and Woelf headed for Salty Lime Cantina and some Mexican food.

Eventually, Wit and Feehan joined them bringing along two of Wit's friends from his other fantasy world, the ABL (which is older than the PHL I believe). Sam and Jack fit right in and they shared stories of many of the Florida folks both sides knew.

And they shared a toast to the memory of Chris Reidy.

The food was OK, finding great Mexican east of the Mississippi is just not possible. The company was terrific.

And at the end of the day, that is what these conventions are all about. There may be lies, back stabbing, sometimes temper flaring as this band of brothers navigates a complicated shared history.

But they are brothers.

They returned to the BNB and got to watch the end of the second U.S. Open semifinal. Then off to bed.

Draft day is upon on. There was talk of trying to bring the TFL Touch Classic back from the dead, a hunt for the best burger in Tampa, an outing to relive the classic video games of their youth, and then eventually the draft itself, where Sain will no doubt take Alan Robinson with the tenth pick.

Day 3

The universe taketh, and the universe giveth.

Tyler Ramey came down with COVID just before the start of the 2022 TFL Convention. Because he's actually a pretty good guy, he decided to sacrifice and not come so the older members of the TFL would not risk contracting the coronavirus.

He has been missed.

On Saturday, the TFL owners got a surprise. An owner who had never been to the convention before showed up, leaving only two owners who have never attended a single convention.

Wit and Feehan Tuttell got things started, heading off to Clearwater Beach to get everything ready for the annual Touch Classic. They knew that it would take the group at the BNB a while to, you know, get out of bed, visit the bathroom, or do anything at all.

Isn't that the beauty of vacations?

Still, Wit pleaded. The weather, which has been bad all week, was not horrible. There was time, if they moved quickly, to get a Touch Classic in on the beach.

This group does not move quickly.

Eventually, Ken Sain and Casey Brogan got tired of waiting on others and headed toward the beach. Mike Taylor and Mike Woelflein were about 10 minutes behind them. Scott Lacy, Mark Dolan and Paul Ramey would never get out of the house.

As Sain was arriving at Clearwater Beach Wit messaged: They were telling people to get off the beach immediately as a storm was moving in and lightning was a real threat.

Sain found the Tuttells and had them put their bicycles in the back of his rental minivan. Then they drove to Frenchy's Rockaway Grill for lunch. There to greet them was Safety Harbor owner Scott Schult, making his first convention appearance.

Schult usually works in the tourism business, and the conventions that have kept Wit away from far too many gatherings also have kept him away. But, he's between jobs this year and was able to surprise the owners.

The former Purdue football star joined them for lunch and then came to the BNB for the draft. Ask him how he single-handedly defeated Indiana and helped fellow Boilermaker Rod Woodson score.

Wit recommended the grouper, saying it's what Frenchy's is known for. Lunch during a mini-hurricane is quite the experience.

When the football crew returned to the BNB the trio who stayed behind were out hunting down their own lunch. Soon, thoughts turned toward an afternoon of fun.

Paul Ramey suggested Replay Amusement Museum in downtown Tarpon Springs. It's filled with video games, many of them that were popular in the early 1980s when most of this crew were stalking college campuses.

They played Frogger, Q-bert, Defender, Galaga, Donkey Kong, Joust, Missile Command, and a host of other games that had kicked their butts when they were young. Ramey seemed to prefer being a pinball wizard, sticking mostly to those games. Woelf and Dolan got into a serious golf game.

Lacy took one look at the narrow aisles and crowded rooms and said, "no thanks." Casey Brogan agreed, and those two headed back to the BNB.

The cost is $14 for unlimited play. Those that stayed spent more than an hour inside, getting their money's worth.

But eventually it was time to head back and get ready for the draft.

This was the first time the league used a third-party site to run the draft, and most of the reviews afterward is that things went well. Those who did mock drafts and prepared knew what they were doing.

There was one snafu. Steve Katz had to attend a wedding, so he was unable to draft live. While he was on auto-pilot, the AI kept trying to draft him defenses. Commissioner Lacy paused the draft and then made the decisions for the AI, taking the top position player available when Katz's turn came up.

Lacy said this is the last time he does that. Next year, if anyone you know is getting married on the NFL's opening week, it is your duty to stop that nonsense. And if you can't do that, you better invest the time to pre-rank your players so you don't end up with six defenses.

Lacy says he won't do this again.

The infamous Brain in the Jar pronounced that Casey Brogan's Dutch Harbor Dawgs is the best team entering the season. Hogtown and Cary are close behind.

We'll see if they're right, starting Sunday.

After the draft ended in a record 2 hours and 23 minutes, the guys had plenty of time to bask in the hot tub, play ping pong, and enjoy each other's company.

It was, overall, a pretty good night. The draft is over, the lies can finally stop. It's time for some football.

Day 4

Paul Ramey is the man most women dream of.

He can go out and hunt down a wild boar, then take it home and clean it. He can grind the meat, adding in some spices and shrimp, and then fill up sausage tubes that he takes to TFL conventions for one kick-ass breakfast.

But that's not all. He also makes a couple of killer egg caseroles, cooks up store-bought sausages for the namby-pamby crowd and serves it all up with a smile on a Sunday morning.

Oh, and in his spare time he fixes the BNB toilet and keeps some of the rowdy members of the TFL in line.

Like we said, he's a catch.

For the second straight year Sunday began with a Paul Ramey breakfast feast. And perhaps Ramey waved his magic wand because the food was so good it even parted the clouds and allowed the sunshine to break through.

Scott Lacy took advantage of the rare beams, jumping into the salt water pool. Mike Taylor and Mike Woelflein also wanted to enjoy it, so they headed out to rent some bicycles and do some peddling with the Tuttells.

But the sunshine only lasted for a little bit. About the time the guys discussed where to go for the first round of Sunday games, that hurricane-like storm they experienced Saturday was back.

Wit Tuttell had suggested going to WingHouse for the games. Mark Dolan and Ken Sain did. The BBQ Pilgrim took one look at the waitresses in skimpy outfits with the butts hanging out for all to gawk at and said, "No reputable chef would work in a place that does that."

He suggested leaving and finding something else. But, Wit and Feehan, possible Mike and Mike, and Scott Lacy were all on the way. Or so they thought.

The storm forced an early end to the bike ride with the four guys seeking shelter at the BNB. Because Woelflein left his car at the bike rental shot, none of them had a vehicle to get to WingHouse.

Scott Lacy was in the parking lot of the WingHouse hoping the downpour would lighten a little. When Sain sent a message that the storm was disrupting the satellite signal and there were no games on at WingHouse, Lacy said, "Screw this," and went to Fat Jaxs to pick up a sandwich and take it back to the BNB.

Sain and Dolan decided to take some food to go back to the BNB as well, even after they finally got the games up on the TVs.

The games were going so bad for Sain and Lacy they decided the pool would be a better place to be for the second half, especially after the storm ended and the sunlight returned.

Taylor was more interested in the US Open men's final than he was in how the Pyles were performing.

Ramey, who we are pretty sure can do anything, got RedZone up and running on one of the TVs, so some of the guys got to experience RedZone for the first time.

(They ultimately concluded what most of us do, that this is way cool, but after a while you miss not being able to focus on one game).

Dinner time was coming, Sain announced he had to leave very early, so the group piled into like eight cars for eight people to drive 15 minutes to Prohibition Kitchen and Bar. There, they tried what passes for BBQ in palm harbor (or other dishes).

It was a nice concluding meal to the convention. They returned in time to sleep through the end of the Buccaneers-Cowboys snoozer.

The convention had reached its end. Sain, then Taylor and Woelflein were all out the door by sunrise. Most agreed it was better than San Antonio, but that was a very, very low bar to clear.

The weather, more than anything else, will probably keep it from being remembered as a great convention. But it had its moments. And lies. And backstabbing.

The BNB was terrific. The hosts did all they could to make sure we had a good time, despite all the No Fun Allowed warnings on the website.

Owners seem to like the switch to CBS for day-to-day operations of the league. Except for Steve Katz, who is unhappy with his computer drafted team that was among the league leaders in points scored and his complaints about being stuck with Patrick Mahomes and his five TD passes.

We're beginning to understand why Katz is a permanent member of the Toilet Roll.

The trip to Ybor City and lunch with Jeff Houck will probably long be remembered as the highlight of the week.

There was no chatter about where to go next year. But, this crew marches on. With Scott Schult making an appearance in 2022, 14 of the 16 owners have now attended a convention. If we could get Bob and Doug to one, well, that would be something.

But before they come they should bone up on their lying. It's not a place for amateur untruths.