Day 1

The Professor had a plan. For weeks he has been coy on if he was going to attend the TFL's annual convention, this year in San Antonio.

"I don't know, depends of if I can get a direct flight."

"Looks like there aren't any direct flights, maybe I can make it work if I drive"

A straight answer was impossible to find. Hemming and hawing, however, were in abundance.

Arctic Gators owner Mark Dolan knew full well he was going to attend the convention, but he wanted to add a little intrigue here, and little suspense over there. And then at the last moment show up in a crazy wig and surprise everyone, just like Casey Brogan did in Cleveland.

Funny things about plans ... they seldom work out.

First thing to go wrong was Dolan ended up on the same flight from Atlanta to San Antonio as Wit and Feehan Tuttell. Drats.

Since the Tuttells were getting a rental car, he allowed them to drop him off at his hotel, but swore them to secrecy. Absolutely no one else must know, it will kill the surprise.

While Dolan was checking in at the Menger, in walks Paul Ramey, Tyler Ramey, Scott Lacy and Ken Sain.

"Professor!" Lacy screamed across the lobby.

It's pretty safe to say the surprise was ruined. However, another surprise was waiting just around the corner. Casey Brogan had called the boys over to the Menger to meet up in the hotel's bar. Standing next to him was the league's newest owner, Mike Guzy.

Only Brogan and Lacy knew Guzy was making the trip, despite only getting his franchise about two weeks prior.

Still, Dolan had one more card up his sleeve. He announced he will no longer be a professor. As of Dec. 1, he's retired.

"I'm so looking forward to it," Dolan said.

The TFL's 27th annual convention is off to an amazing start. Last year, because of the pandemic, only a few owners made the trip to Atlanta. This year is the second biggest turnout in league history. There are 12 people here from 11 of the league's 16 franchises.

The only convention with a better turnout was Boston, when 12 of 14 franchises attended.

And the league very well came close to matching that number, because Penobscot's Mike Woelflein was planning to attend until a last-minute change to protect his unvaccinated son's life.

Dugway's Ken Sain had arrived Wednesday, seeking closure with a former love interest. He had breakfast with the said love interest Thursday morning. How did it go?

"I got my closure. No more regrets."

And that's all he would say.

By lunch time Paul and Tyler Ramey arrived, and soon after them, Scott Lacy and his dog Ollie. The four men went to Dick's Last Resort on the Riverwalk for lunch.

Their schtick is to be rude and sarcastic to customers. The waiter started the lunch by asking if it would be OK if he was rude and sarcastic to them. Sain said, sure, give us the Dick's experience.

He never really did. Probably the site of 6-7 Scott Lacy or the 6-4 Tyler Ramey scared the hell out of him. But, we did hear him yelling at other customers in the restaurant. Not sure he was being rude, but boy was he being loud. If that's the Dick's experience, perhaps it's best they missed out on it.

It was also great to see Paul back at a TFL Convention. It's his first since Philadelphia. He was at risk in missing it because of a recent bout with COVID, but he passed two different tests and was able to go out in the world again. He's mostly recovered, but there are still some symptoms.

It was about then that they got the message from Casey that he was in, go ahead and guess, I'm sure you won't be wrong, the bar at the Menger and invited them over.

They ran into the Tuttells on the way, after they had just dropped off Dolan. And then they ran into Dolan in the lobby, before eventually finding the bar, Casey and Guzy.

After some catching up the group split for a bit. Sain claimed he had a headache, though we wonder if it might be heartache, and went back to his hotel. Others cleaned up as best they could before the group headed to the Yard House for the NFL season opener.

The Yard House sells half-yard beer glasses, and they are literally a half-yard tall. Both Guzy and Casey downed them with little problem. However, it might have proven to be too much in the end, especially after an afternoon of drinking in the Menger's bar, as they both left early to sleep it off.

Mike Taylor had finally joined the group, and as usual was doling out his wisdom to the lesser thans. He is once again promising to hold his annual seminar. This year it might be worth showing up, since he has lined up Tyler Ramey as a speaker.

Lacy missed the dinner. His first priority this trip will be Ollie, his close companion for a dozen years who is nearing the end of his life. Scott spent the first half with Ollie, then joined the boys for the second half.

There was a time about a week ago with the league's two founders, Lacy and Sain, wondered if either of them would be in San Antonio. Lacy wasn't sure what to do with Ollie, and Sain had COVID and wasn't sure he would be cleared in time. But both ended up making it.

There are some new faces as well. This is the first convention for Tyler Ramey, the current league champion. He seems to be enjoying himself, but if one more owner asks him when he's going to marry his long-time girlfriend of seven years ... he might lose it.

(Answer, probably will happen at some point, but she's got to finish law school first so he can be a stay-at-home dad).

One other quick Tyler story, Casey had gone to the bathroom at the Yard House. Some stranger was leading him out. Not sure where they were headed, but it looked to be toward the exit.

Tyler had gone looking for Casey ... and got distracted by the game. As he was watching the game, the stranger led Casey right past him, moving toward the exit.

Would this be the end of Brogan? Would we find his body robbed of all possessions the next morning?

A commercial came on and Tyler then resumed his search for Casey. He saw him, took him from the stranger, and brought him back to his friends.

That's the single-minded focus of a champion.

It's also the first convention experience for Feehan Tuttell, last seen shooting darts at Lacy and Sain in a draft lottery video. Is he a possible future owner? Maybe, but he's going to have to want it first. For now he seems more interested in tennis.

For the second half the owners went to the Hilton Garden Inn, which is where Sain and the Rameys are staying. Great space on the roof next to the pool. Only two problems with it: First, no TVs. Second, they have a strict close at 10 p.m. rule that they're not afraid to enforced with armed guards.

The boys got around the first hurdle by running YouTube TV on a laptop so they could watch the exciting end to the season's first game. The second, they went down to the lobby and finished watching the game there.

The first day of the San Antonio convention was over. After more than a year of social isolation in the TFL, it was great to see so many turn out.

Day 2

Remember Kevin from Home Alone? Sure you do. But we'll get to that story later. It's too delicious to start off with.

One of the experiments of this convention is having so many owners spread out over so many hotels. It's working out just about how you would expect it to.

It makes getting together for quick meals, or even impromptu gatherings, very difficult. The 11 people here so far are staying in five different hotels. Ken Sain, Paul and Tyler Ramey are at the Hilton Garden Inn. Scott Lacy is at the Emily Morgan. Michael Bourque, Wit Tuttel, and Feehan Tuttell are at the Courtyard Marriot. Mike Taylor, Casey Brogan, Mike Guzy and Mark Dolan are at the Menger Hotel Alamo Plaza.

You will be quizzed on that later.

Taylor now works rancher's hours, most likely because he bought a ranch, so he's early to bed and early to rise. He was looking for a breakfast partner before 7 a.m. local time.

He wanted to go to iHop.

What, iHop? I thought the goal of these trips were to sample local cuisine and try restaurants you may never get to try again?

"It's not a place I would go to at home," Taylor said.

Waking up a little later, like sensible folk, the Rameys and Dolan did sample some local cuisine, heading to Tony G's soul food for breakfast. They gave it a big thumbs up for a review.

Casey headed out to see if this Riverwalk everyone keeps talking about is really a big deal or not. A quick Charles Bingham research (checking the Wikipedia page to make myself sound like an expert) shows it came about because of severe flooding on the San Antonio River. One flood in 1921 killed more than 50 people. They needed a way to control it, and this was their solution.

It's a marvelous one at that. It's a joy to walk and has become a draw for tourists, who no doubt bring in a lot of revenue. One of their best decisions was to leave chain restaurants, for the most part, out. So it's filled with delightful local restaurants like Dick's Last Resort.

Speaking of which, Thursday's lunch spot is getting the blame for having taken out one of the TFL owners on Friday.

Ken Sain woke to a queasy stomach. He soon had fits of violent purges of yesterday's meals from his body. Out of both ends. Sometimes at the same time. And then he would sleep.

This cycle repeated itself all day. Purge, nap, purge, nap, purge, nap. It was not a pretty sight. Since he went to bed Thursday night until he woke Saturday morning, his Fitbit claims he slept about 18 and a half hours. That's in about 30 hours.

To replace Sain, Michael Bourque arrived to keep the numbers strong.

It was lunch time and our owners were scattered. The Rameys claim they allegedly found some good Mexican food in San Antonio. Our southwestern owners will believe that when they taste it. The Tuttells went looking for good BBQ, asked the BBQ Pilgrim himself for some advice. Dolan mostly laughed, good barbecue in San Antonio. It wasn't the one the Tuttells landed at, Bill Miller Bar-B-Q.

I know I'm forgetting something.

Remember that mission in San Antonio, they one where a bunch of Texans who fought for independence. You know the one. Can't remember it's name. Travis Henry, Davey Crockett, James Bowie.

The name escapes me. Anyway, the Tuttells, Taylor, and the Rameys toured that building. Taylor wanted to know if the audio tour gave the true history, or the one Texans claim to make themselves sound good.

Davey Crockett surrendering just won't stand, even if multiple witnesses said he did.

After some debate, despite the draw of seeing a once-in-a-lifetime player like Shohei Ohtani pitch and hit yet another home run, the boys decided to take in some Friday Night Lights.

They headed to the oldest prep stadium in San Antonio, Alamo Stadium -- that's it! How could I forget the Alamo -- to watch Memorial take on Edison. It was Sain's idea, but because he still couldn't keep even liquids down at this point, he didn't go. And it was a great one. The stadium is an old Works Progress Administration project, built with limestone in the years before World War II. They call it the “Rock Pile.” It seats more than 20,000 and has been home to San Antonio teams in the WFL and USFL.

The stadium is built into a hill, so the top row is at ground level. The views were amazing and the boys spent much of their time gazing at the western sky as the sun sank toward the horizon.

Sain did warn them it would be a dog of a game, with Memorial likely to crush Edison. So, of course the final score was Edison 12, Memorial 7.

Now, let's get back to the Home Alone reference. In the movie that everyone has seen but won't admit to, our little hero Kevin gets left behind in the mad dash and chaos of trying to get to the airport in time. With a big group, it's easy to lose one little boy.

The mad dash in this case was to get the famous puffy tacos recommended by Jeff Houck, and the boys were hungry. They piled into two cars. Mike Guzy looked into Lacy's car and was pretty sure he saw Casey in there. So, looking around, seeing no one else near by, he got into Ramey's car.

A few minutes into the trip, Casey called.

"Where are you guys? I'm walking all around this stadium and can't find you."

Ramey turned around and Guzy went back into the stadium to get Kevin, um, Casey.

The taco stand Houck recommended was dark when they arrived at 8:15 pm. They headed to another that was still open, Oscars. The boys had no experience with puffy tacos, but the general consensus seemed to be that Oscar’s puffy tacos were nothing to write home about. Or even write a convention report about. Yet here we are.

Lacy still had Ken’s food poisoning on his mind. Oscar’s was the greasiest of spoons, and one of their combinations was called “The Sleeper.” He proceeded cautiously, but when a bite of an Oscar’s puffy chicken taco left the sensation of eating rubber pellets, Lacy pushed back from the table and decided to live for another meal.

After the meal they headed back to the hotels. The early bed crew went to bed, while the late risers hung out for a bit in Lacy's hotel and said hello to Ollie, who’d been waiting on the bed in Lacy’s room.

It was at this point that Lacy was getting the full Feehan Tuttell trash-talking experience. The younger Tuttell goes to school in the mean streets of southeast Raleigh, and he can sling some smack. His father can trash talk as well, but he usually lets his incredibly fast speed do the talking.

Feehan was telling Lacy how much he was going to burn him in Saturday's Touch Classic. It's time for the Old Folks to step aside and let the younger, speedier and more talented group dominate.

Something along those lines.

Lacy really didn't want to do a Touch Classic this year. He has Ollie to care for, he hasn't trained like he normally does. But he says he's fired up now.

“That snot-nosed kid is going down.”

Day 3

Feehan Tuttell, blessed with his father's speed and ability to talk trash into dancing, pulled up for his first TFL Touch Classic and put on cleats.

Are you freaking kidding me?

He's got the abundance of energy of any 17-year-old, all that blazing speed, and he's going to use cleats against a bunch of 50- and 60-somethings?

Seems like he takes after his dad when it comes to fair play: No such thing.

To the surprise of no one, the young one with cleats was the day's top performer as he ran circles around the old men he was competing against.

With the biggest turnout in years for a Touch Classic, they tried to balance out the team. The young ones, Tyler Ramey and Feehan were on opposite teams. So were Wit Tuttell and Mike Taylor, as always. To make it fair, fathers had to compete against their sons, so Paul Ramey was with Feehan and Wit Tuttell was with Tyler. Guzy and Lacy were split apart, with Lacy on the opposite team of Feehan, so he could make him pay for all that trash talking.

And Casey was all-time center/defensive lineman. Mark Dolan was photographing the events and Ken Sain was still feeling too weak from the previous day to participate.

So of course, the biggest injury scares of the day happened to Sain and Dolan.

Sain was very dehydrated following a day of puking and the runs. Three times he sat on the ground in the shade to watch. Three times he stood up, and got light headed and dizzy and soon came back down. He scraped up his right leg the first time. The third time had the guys wondering if they should call an ambulance.

The bigger injury concern was when Wit was running a route and ran right into Dolan, who was trying to get up close and personal with his photos. We thought for minute he might have separated a shoulder.

The action itself was the best in years, no doubt helped by the two young guys. Feehan was able to back up all that trash talking with three touchdown catches. But Lacy did humble him with a score of his own on Feehan's defense.

Steve Katz arrived in the middle of the game and subbed in, replacing Guzy.

The game ended abruptly when Sain collapsed for a third time. It appears all of the actual players in the game escaped without injuries.

"I paid a price for wearing those cleats," Feehan said. "My feet are covered in blisters."

Cry me a freaking river kid.

Sain really didn't want the No. 7 draft pick, and spent most of the afternoon begging anyone to trade with him. Michael Bourque shot him down. So did Casey Brogan. So did Steve Katz. So did Mike Taylor.

Finally, after growing tired of watching an old man beg, Tyler Ramey agreed.

The owners returned to their separate hotels to finish checking out or, if they had already done so, get some lunch. Some headed to Whataburger, a Texas-based chain that's pretty good. It's not Fuddruckers, but if the nearest open Fudds is in Austin, it will fill in nicely.

After lunch the boys were eager to get set up in their vacation rental home and prepare for the draft. One problem, check in time wasn't until 4 p.m. And the house was used Friday night, so it needed cleaning.

No problem, said Brogan. We can drop things off. So about 10 people headed over to the Alamodome, as it's being called, to "drop things off" and then sit around watching the poor guy doing the cleaning, um, clean.

It looked like the poor guy was going to have a heart attack. He was trying to clean as fast as he could and more and more people kept showing up to settle in.

He finished about three minutes before 4 p.m.

The home is great, perfect spot for the draft. Plenty of space to spread out. It has a guest house in back, and a spa. The draft went off mostly without issues. At one point the wifi in the guest house seemed to quit working, so they guys out there had to join everyone in the big house.

As per tradition, the boys got some pizza pies during the draft. After it was over, there was some jumping in the spa, some conversation outside, more taking place inside. The conversation ranged wide and deep, from sad to funny, fueled by a large tequila bottle that made the circuit. Again and again. The boys reflected on the passing of Mike Bourque's wife, Melissa, and the TFL's own, Chris Reidy. We still miss him after all these years. The tequila kept on circulating and the boys eventually descended into Anchorage Times nostalgia. By the time the bottle was empty, the boys were drunk-dialing John Sweeney and threatening to hold the 2022 convention in Reno, Nevada, where Sweeney lives.

The star of draft night, however, would be Ollie. Lacy's dog seemed to be having the time of his life with so many people around to play with. And not to mention sneak him some snacks when Lacy wasn't looking.

Ollie reconnected with old friends, and made a few new ones. He and Wit Tuttell fought over a doll, and Ollie won. He had a hard time deciding who to go to next, but that tail was wagging most of the night.

The draft finished in four hours, which is great for this crew. Now the real trash talking can begin. The season is starting.

Day 4

Is that fresh-brewed coffee we smell? And bacon. And sausage. And eggs.

Oh, Paul Ramey how you have been missed at previous conventions.

Most of the TFL owners attending this year's convention in San Antonio are staying at a VRBO, an experiment of sorts. Can this group of extreme personalities all get along under the same roof over a couple of days?

Based on the smells coming from the kitchen, the answer is yes.

Based on the juggling for beds the night before, maybe not.

Once the owners gained access to the rental house at 125 Glass Avenue some owners immediately staked out a bed. Then the, um, discussions began. There were only four bedrooms and there were a lot more owners than that to accommodate.

Some sofas pull out into beds, but anyone who has slept on one of those knows that's not a first choice.

But eventually, everyone found a place to crash after Saturday's draft. The awoke to the smells of a terrific breakfast being cooked up by Chef Paul Ramey.

And more importantly, no one got food poisoning.

With all the guys in the house (except Ken Sain, who didn't want to fight over a bed so he stayed at his hotel), they broke with tradition and decided to watch the games from the rental house, dubbed the Alamodome.

With Red Zone, it was almost like they were at the usual sports bar.

There was yelling and screaming that you usually see, as teams either started the year with a convincing victory, or suffered a devastating defeat.

Most owners polled said they VRBO experiment worked out better than they thought, with the fight over beds being the only downside to the experience.

Missing for most of the day, as he has been for most of the convention, was Dugway owner Ken Sain. Eventually, he got tired of looking at his hotel walls and decided to join the fellows.

If you've never met Ken, here's some things you should know. He's a stubborn SOB and he has these crazy idealistic views that most normal folk would laugh off.

One of them, is he won't call Uber or Lyft for a ride. You can ask him about it if you want, just be prepared for an hour-long diatribe on fair play, pushing the cost of business onto workers, blah, blah, blah.

So he called Yellow Cab to take him to the VRBO. And then he waited. And waited. And waited. The guys knew he was coming, knew he was finally hungry, ordered some pizza, saw the pizza be delivered, ate most of the pizza.

And Ken still waited. Finally, after an hour, Yellow Cab arrived to take him three miles to the VRBO.

There was one slice of pizza left, which was fine, that's about all Ken could keep down.

The gang watched the Sunday Night Game together, well, not Wit and Tyler. They were playing each other and Wit couldn't stand seeing Cooper Kupp getting all those receptions and his chance for victory going down the drain.

But finally the gang was together for a few brief moments. But it could not last. Michael Bourque said his goodbyes, and the convention was nearing its end.

Still, there was one last precious moment to go for this dubious convention. Mark Dolan had risked life and limb to take up-close-and-personal photos during the Touch Classic. He spent most of Sunday putting together a slide show of the game, set to music.

When it was finally ready, he and Scott Lacy headed off to the guest house of the VRBO to get it set up to play on the projection TV. Just one problem, they couldn't figure out how to get the pictures and music to play together.

So, they did like countless other 50- and 60-somethings do these days, they called in a 20-something to save the day. It was Tyler Ramey to the rescue.

The slide show was terrific and will no doubt be posted to the TFL video's page at some point. (Dolan, ever the perfectionist, wants to tone some photos properly). The highlight is when Feehan Tuttell is gloating over a dejected Scott Lacy after denying him a catch.

And with that, the San Antonio Convention was mostly at an end. It had the second-highest turnout in league history, the return of the Touch Classic, some quality time with Ollie.

But it also had the owners spread out over five hotels, at least one case of food poisoning (more on that later), and too many brothers arguing over too few beds.

But after a stretch of conventions with between six and eight, or nine owners, it was a lot of fun to see so many together again.

Post-script

There was some chatter about where to go in 2022. Mike Taylor and Casey Brogan were arguing hard for an end to the TFL's no repeat policy and heading back to New Orleans.

"All the meals were excellent," Taylor said. And no one got food poisoning.

However, a late favorite emerged. Wit Tuttell mentioned most conventions have taken place in MLB cities so we can attend a game. The one area the owners have not been to that has two teams is Baltimore-Washington, DC.

Steve Katz promised them excellent meals if they go to Baltimore. Mike Guzy spoke highly of Charm City. Ken Sain talked about what a great spot the Inner Harbor is.

So if you're a betting person, and with all these damn sports books all over the place today, who isn't?, put your money on Baltimore in 2022.

Postscript 2

Paul Ramey woke up Monday morning both vomiting and with a case of the runs. Very similar to what Sain experienced on Friday. He sent Tyler back home to Florida so he could go back to work, and wasn't sure when he would be getting back home.

Sain and Ramey both had the cheesesteak at the Yard House Thursday night. Weird that it hit them so far apart, but perhaps Dick's Last Resort wasn't the cause of the food poisoning.