 |
Alaska Oosiks |
| Owner: Charles Bingham Hometown: Sitka, AK |
|
 Charles has been in Alaska since the Ice Age, but that doesn't necessarily mean he gets cold there. You might have heard of the Great Alaska Bush Company, a well-know strippers' joint in Anchorage. One of the classic lines in TFL lore was penned by the late Jeb Jenco: "Charles Bingham held out for most of training camp, feigning disinterest while shopping at Carrs for pro football magazines and studying them nightly at the Bush Company, where he seldom goes but is often seen." |
|
With Mark Dolan back in the league after an 7-year vacation, TFL owners are busy tightening up all loopholes. Dolan in famous for his ability to stretch the rules into any direction that favors him and his Gators. Still, his teams have never had a winning season and the thought here is that streak will continue for quite some time.
If there is a more celebrated owner in the TFL, we don't know who it is. Lacy's skill as an owner is considerable, and his humanity even greater. You can usually find Lacy in the Trashtalk chat room, where he modestly deflects attention from his unprecedented back-to-back Sweeney Bowl campaigns in 2003-04. Lacy is such a good guy he continues to associate with Dugway owner Ken Sain, a career underachiever who has never held aloft the T. Rex!
When you say beleaguered, you've said Baltimore. The early years: three
playoff runs, including one Sweeney Bowl berth, and rotten luck otherwise
despite two No. 1 draft picks. But what the Barons lack in the
regular-season sizzle that others claim as steak, they make up for in two
T-Rexes over a four-year span and a dizzying, 10-5 playoff record. Behold
the collective Mr. October of fantasy football.
Coming a close second to Lacy in smugness is Mike Taylor, who has never let a chance to compliment himself go by without comment. Taylor has turned one glorious season when Jim Kelly carried his team to an 11-3 record, into many so-called milestones. However, Taylor has had only one winning record since that 1991 season. He also demands we mention his 1994 Sweeney Bowl title, which he won while his team was leaderless. Fittingly, Taylor was on vacation at the time. His only true accomplishment is the ability to go 7-7 each year and be of little concern to the truly great owners.
Ken Sain began playing fantasy football in 1986 -- well before most people had heard of the concept -- as part of the Republic Football League, which was limited to members of the Arizona Republic sports department. When he left that paper in 1988 he took his love for the game with him, starting a new league at the Camarillo Daily News. By the time he arrived in Anchorage, he was a fantasy football veteran ready to introduce the game and start a new league at The Times. Since then he's gone to Canoga Park, Calif.; to Marin County, Calif.; to Covington, Ky.; to El Paso; to Washington, DC and now Baltimore. And while he has been in other leagues and loves his other teams, the TFL and his beloved Dugway Experiments always come first.
In his quest to filch inside info from his TFL rivals over the years, Brogan has kissed more ass than Eddie Haskell on Parent-Teacher Night. Now, after taking the blue pill on July 14th, Lil Bro will need to double up on the Blistex. A long summer of heeding his beautiful bride will no doubt leave Brogan slack-jawed and confused when he cracks his first fantasy mag on the afternoon of Sept. 4. Cinch up those pants, boys.
At one time Bourque was the most feared owner in the TFL. He won the Sweeney Bowl in his first season. After three years, he led the league in winning percentage and playoff appearances. And then, it happened. Michael got domesticated, marrying his long-time girlfriend Melissa. Since then, Bourque set another record, biggest collapse in a season, going from the top of the Honor Roll all the way to the Toilet Roll in one year. He's living proof that a man should never get married the week of his fantasy football draft.
When it comes to keeping secrets, trust Tuttell with anything in the CIA vaults. Brogan, playing his dumb little brother act, tried to get Tuttell to reveal his pre-draft plans at the TFL Convention. In six years of playing fantasy football and baseball, Tuttell has never given away any details to rival owners. Of course, that's probably for the best. Tuttell's record is one other owners would rather avoid.
Paul Ramey returned to the TFL fold in the summer of 2003 after assuming control of the Tampa Bay Houck-a-Loogies over the last seven games of the 2002 season. The 1991 Sweeney Bowl champion, Ramey's Halibut must prove the game hasn't passed them by in the 12 years since they last played TFL football.
Mike Woelflein's Penobscot River Wolfpups joined the TFL in 2003, and through their first 11 seasons, compiled a winning percentage just a tick above 60%, which at some point will officially qualify for all-time leader, depending on when Ken Sain deigns to acknowledge that fact. The 'Pups do hold the all-time single-season record for points scored, though the season was marred by a Sweeney Bowl loss to the Bagdad Red-Bellied Newts, when the horse Penobscot rode, Peyton Manning, played only briefly in the final week of the season. Woelflein has accomplished a great deal in his TFL career, but he remains determined to achieve two elusive goals: bringing the T-Rex back to Maine and defeating Charles Bingham in any TFL contest. 
The TFL needed a stable franchise after Willow owner Van Williams pulled out just before the 2007 season and replacement Craig Lancaster ceased his Billings operations in 2007. They found one in Doug Kaufman, who is usually busy starting companies. He is now CEO of Spring Metrics and even lured nomad Scott Lacy to a 9-to-5 job (OK, more like 6 to midnight job). He has improved his team's performance every year in the league and has earned the nickname "Dr. Perfect Season."
Schult comes to the TFL via recommendation from the notorious Nose Apes owner, Wit Tuttell. An accomplished fantasy owner in his own right since 2000, Schult enters the 2011 season as a TFL rookie. Not withstanding the fact that he’s never been to Alaska, his nerves are cold as ice; a stark comparison to his heated rants soon to be unleashed in Trash Talk.
Born and raised in Rochester, NY. Victim of TFL.
After several seasons serving as the true brains behind Hogtown's success, this young whippersnapper has finally taken claim to his own team: The Kenai Kings. With endless energy, youthful strength, and a rookie's will to prove his worth, he seeks to defy the odds and earn the title of Sweeney Bowl Champion. Watch out old men, there's a new sheriff in town.
Born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, but moved to Anchorage, Alaska when I was one, because I didn't want to grow up in a state that has no mountains and thinks they're the "North Country" of the U.S. I am an avid fly fisherman, downhill skier and rafter, but sports knowledge is my true forte. Once did a presentation in a college class where I had to present myself as an expert in a subject, to which I chose baseball and got 100% on. Can name every Super Bowl champion with a moment to ponder, and know the score of every Super Bowl up to 1988 without having to think about it, as well as the other teams. Once was challenged by Casey Orr Brogan in the early 90s to name every hitter with 3000 hits on a whim and I believe I only missed one.
Ken Sain may be the tireless muscle and Scott Lacy may be the brains, but no one questions that Chris was the league's heart and soul. Chris entered the league in 1992 and compiled a 113-109-2 record in his 17 years in the league. His greatest team, the 1998 Ex'Mos, could rightfully claim to be the best team in TFL history to that point after they won Sweeney Bowl IX. Chris moved the chains in TrashTalk, always stirring debate and keeping the owners engaged. Anyone who has visited T-talk since knows that something is missing. He was a great friend, father, husband and passionate about everything he did. He is survived by his wife, Mary Wilson, and daughter, Carolyn Reidy. Chris died from colon cancer at age 43 on March 17, 2008.